Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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