I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
