my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
