my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
