Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
