I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
