We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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