@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I checked into jail on foursquare
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
