We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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