shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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