She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
