so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
