Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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