I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
