Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
