your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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