i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
