I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
