seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
