I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
