My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
