she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
