Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
