I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Couch. On fire.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
