MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize