i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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