my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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