12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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