Too much gin, very little bucket
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
