She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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