According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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