You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
