She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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