I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
