Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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