I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
