but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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