You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize