RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
