i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
