it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
