is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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