Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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