he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
