Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
