Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
