you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize