i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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