Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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