As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
