Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he thought i was a dude.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
