Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can text with my tongue
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
