it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
