Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
