Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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