I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
