I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
