I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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