I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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