he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
