Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
