My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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