How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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